Now onto the meat and potatoes.
A great piece of advice that I got from reading John Eldredge's Waking the Dead was that you need to have allies, because we're born into a world at war, spiritually speaking (lots to explain, I know. I'll eventually get crackin' on that,too. It'd be easier if you would just read Waking the Dead). He talks about having a fellowship, simply and sincerely because no one can do it alone, no one can face life alone. He explains it so much better in his book, but the idea is that we all need to have band of brethren, a team, a fellowship, a spiritual family. "Think of Frodo or Neo or Caspian or Jesus. Imagine you are surrounded by a small company of friends who you know well. They understand that we all are at war, know that the purposes of God are to bring a man or a woman fully alive, and are living by sheer necessity and joy in the Four Streams. They fight for you and you for them. Imagine you could have a little fellowship of the heart. Would you want it if it were available?" (Waking the Dead, 188).
I took this message and ran with it. So I started to get back in touch with my dearest friends; I had lost touch with them when I went incognito from my heart's death. To be honest, I considered giving up and just breaking my ties with all of them and getting new friends. It wasn't until I had settled what I needed to settle with God and with myself that I woke up from that horrible, horrible trance and went looking for my friends again.
It was easy to start hanging out with them, mainly because they started looking for me first, haha. Katrina mentioned to me that she and Allison had actually considered dropping by at Subway if I didn't reply to their Facebook messages or texts. But I did, and so we started hanging out and had a game night. Sadly though, it wasn't like I expected. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I thought that I could just show up after having life breathed into me again and just ooze joy and love out of my curly locks of hair and everything would be alright between my friends and I. No wait, I expected things to be better than before. They weren't. It was awkward (just a wee bit). I was awkward.
I felt really disappointed with myself afterward, and what's worse I started to doubt that I had even gotten back to my senses at all. I started to doubt everything that I had gone through, all the healing, and I was in danger of going back to being as good as dead inside. God simply laughed it off and plucked me off the ledge of the black hole I was about to willingly plunge into and He set me straight. He filled me with confidence. More importantly, He filled me with faith. God put a warm, but stern hand on my shoulder and said,"You're doing the right thing, keep going. You felt awkward with them because you've been living from a false self lately. You have to get to know them all over again, and you have to let them get to know you all over again, this time the REAL you. The you that I had in mind when I made you."
And that's how I got around to throwing a get-together for the first time. :D
I think it went pretty well. I was SUPER freaking out and going bananas, similar to how I imagine a baby octopus feels when it's born and discovers it has eight legs and freaks out because he doesn't know what he's supposed to do with so many legs/arms/whatever they are. I didn't think I made the food too well, I felt like my house wasn't nice enough, that my backyard patio wouldn't be comfortable enough, etc etc etc. Katrina got here first and we hung out for a bit and that calmed me down. However it didn't last long because we sat there for like an hour waiting for everyone else. Then Juan showed up. I felt better (BUT, I was really rude. I didn't know how to deal with my nerves. I made Juan serve himself and didn't bother to get up to show him where everything was. Yeah, I'm a douche. I know). A while later, Allison and Chris showed up, but they looked like they weren't all too stoked to be there. Started turning into a baby octopus again.
Then magic happened. Not the creepy kind of magic like Chris Angel, but the good kind, like Gandalf. Or Dumbledore whenever he did something seriously badarse. Magic in the form of a good time between friends. We all started telling stories, laughing, sharing. I think it also helped that I drank 2 1/2 winecoolers (1 1/2 were someone else's) and since I'm such a lightweight I was giddy in no time. I had a lot of fun. In fact, I felt so good that when Chris suggested we play the Wii at his apartment I was all for it. We went and did that, and it got even better because Andrew decided to join in and it felt like old times again. My heart filled up to the brim with love for all of my friends that night.
Chris and Allison told us they were going to Hearst Castle the next day and when Katrina and I said, "AW, that sounds like fun, wish we could have gone, too" Chris said, "There's still time, you can still buy a ticket and come along if you want. I jumped in it. I was afraid of being the third wheel, but I really want to spend time with them and Hearst Castle sounded like fun.
So next day, that's what we did. Let me just recap for you in a nutshell what went down: naps on the sunny backseat of Chris' car on the drive there, Heart Castle tour that took my breath away (especially the gardens), Moonstone beach where I got to walk in the water a bit and collected lots of cool rocks like a nerdfart, Morro Bay, delicious dinner, LOADS OF LAUGHING, "Hey cows, you lookin' GOOOOOOD" (Chris), "Double Rainbow" jokes all the way, lots of singing in the car, more refreshing car naps, Allison's photography, getting to watch Allison and Chris together (makes my heart get all fuzzy and warm since I love them both so much), "I love you whole lots", sunset, nightfall, and best of all the company of my friends. I only wish Katrina, Juan, Chuy, Andrew and one or two more people had gone as well so it would have been even more amazeballs :D I also wish I had opened up more, but I wasn't quite there yet. Still a little ways to go at that point. I hope Allison and Chris didn't look at me like a third wheel, but I know they had fun :)
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